A few days after I started traveling in August, a thought occurred to me: “I am happy. There is no life right now that I envy more than my own.” This is new, I think. It felt like a very small thought, but I don’t think I’ve ever had that feeling before. There’s nothing I can imagine doing more pleasurable than wandering the country, remembering that I have friends in different places, that they are real, and that they like me and are happy to see me. There’s nothing more eye-opening than meeting strangers from a variety of backgrounds, with a variety of life-experiences and learning about them.

It’s an amazing thought, but also a scary one. Because, for a number of reasons, this isn’t a sustainable lifestyle. Perhaps most obviously, I need to start making money again eventually. I made an accounting of my finances for the first time in a while last week and discovered that I’ve been spending my savings at a much faster rate than anticipated. I still have plenty to survive the remaining two months of my itinerary and have a little cushion to land on when I move to DC, but not as much as I’d previously expected.

But also, sustainability aside, I keep thinking about the discomfort I feel about living a life in which my privilege is so obvious to me. I’m proud and happy that I was able to structure my life in such a way that I now have the freedom to travel with only minimal financial concerns and it’s true that it cost me a few years of working and (loosely) planning to reach this point, but it’s also true that I grew up in a middle-class household where I had the time and technology available to pick up skills that pay fairly well. (At least, they pay a lot, relative to friends I have who are doing, for example, work that is improving and sometimes literally saving others’ lives.) I don’t need to reiterate the whole list of privileges that let me reach the point where I can freely wander. ¹

The problem, I think, to the extent that there is one, is that I would to find a lifestyle which 1.) sustainably gives me the freedom I desire and 2.) leverages my privilege to improve the lives of others. Each of these two goals is hard enough on its own. I’m not sure how they’ll work together.

But I’m thinking about it and I’m working on it and I’m having a good time while this phase lasts. And I’m maybe happier than I’ve ever been.